Are you truly practicing self-care?

It’s a new year, y’all!! So how do you plan to take care of yourself in 2024? Do you plan to implement more self-care into your life?

What do you think of when you hear the term self-care?  What comes to mind?  There has been a tremendous increase in identifying the need for self-care.  As a woman, who rarely practiced self-care, I appreciate the recognition of its necessity. However, I see that self-care is sometimes identified as a way to take care of the outer you rather than the inner you.  While attending a Galentine’s day brunch one February, someone brought up the question, are we truly practicing self-care or self-maintenance?  My whole perception changed and I no longer see self-care the same.

So, when I asked the question, what do you think of when you hear self-care, many women would mention, taking time to do something specifically for you that makes you feel better.  Some may mention a spa day or getting your nails done or maybe even getting a massage. I would like to challenge you and ask, is this really self-care?  Or is it self-maintenance? What is self-maintenance? How is that different from self-care? 

I have always been the woman who keeps my hands manicured and make sure my feet are well maintained. I considered that my self-care.  Every two weeks while my daughter attended dance classes, I used that time to take care of my mani and pedi at the nail salon next door to her dance school.  I thought I was doing myself a favor and getting in my self-care.  But get this, I was still down, frustrated on the job, feeling depressed and anxious, lost, and all those manis and pedis did were maintain the image that I put out while deep down I was falling apart.  They made me feel good for the moment and even made me feel and look well-kept, but was it truly self-care?  How could it be when those negative feelings and thoughts were not going away.  I begin to understand that self-maintenance is based on feelings while self-care is based off of healing. 

I was so good at suppressing my feelings by heading over to Amazon and filling up my cart with things I don’t need, going to the outlets to get a good deal on a normally expensive item, making sure I look decent by getting my hair done, but it took me a while to realize that that wasn’t taking away my sadness.  I did this under the guise of self-care, when really, I was attempting to fill a void.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that self-maintenance is a bad thing.  When you look and feel good on the outside, it will definitely help you feel better on the inside, but the point is, it is only temporary.  In my opinion, you need both, but first you have to understand what true self-care is.  This should be your main priority.

Self-care is about soul-care.  It is making sure that you are healing from past traumas and daily occurrences that may hinder you from being the YOU, you were created to be.  It is building a spiritual relationship and healing so that you are able to fully function as a whole human being rather than a broken one. I started to see a significant change when I started to see that self-care was soul care.  I needed to make sure my soul was good. How did I do that??  Well, I started to get up earlier in the morning to pray, journal, and read my bible.  I had to get up at a time that I would not be interrupted by my family, and that it will just be me and my maker.  Mark 1:35 states, “Very early in the morning, while it still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” I needed to create a place of solitude. There was a time, when I actually left my home, early in the morning and walked around my neighborhood and prayed, or listened to podcasts that were uplifting, or just looked for miracle, signs, and wonders in nature as I walked.  This allowed me to build a relationship with God and to understand that He does not want me to be frustrated, anxious, or depressed.  He says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30). 

Self-care requires check-ins and seeing how you are feeling at any given moment. Is there something troubling you? If so, what are you going to do to work through that? Is it something simple that requires a quick conservation with a trusted individual or something more serious that may require therapy.  We cannot forget…THERAPY!!  As someone who has a background in mental health, I recognize and support the idea of therapy, 100%.  We are our worst enemies, and we can stay in our heads to the point that it becomes dangerous.  SO, it is always good to have a trained person to help you rationalize your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It is also important to challenge negative thoughts by practicing affirmations and reminding yourself of what you are truly capable of.

I have also learned the importance of creating boundaries. Setting boundaries does not always mean just saying, “NO!”, to everything, but it is simply teaching people how to treat you.  It’s letting someone know that, now may not be the right time or you need some time to gather yourself before you respond.  Boundaries help others understand you and allow you to respond and be at your best.  

Another thing to check is, are you breathing ok?  Slow down.  Sometimes we go and go, but do not stop to even check to see how we are breathing.  When you are feeling anxious, it is good practice to stop and focus on breathing.  I can go on and on about the importance of self-care aka soul care, but we will be here forever.  So let me just give you my top five things that I engage in that have been helpful to me as I have practiced self-care, and hopefully it can be helpful for you as well.

1. Retreating.  I am not saying that you have to go out and spend money on some extravagant retreat. I am saying retreat in its purest form….retreat to your secret place. It could be the bathroom, it could be a small area in your closet (if you have one big enough), it could be outside in your backyard, anywhere that you can be alone for at least 15 minutes). Use this time to pray, journal, or meditate. Or just to curl up in a fluffy blanket to just rest!!!!
2. Read.  I know everyone is not a reader, but I promise you, reading an inspiring novel or self-help book can do so much for the soul.  They even have audible books now that can be helpful, if you aren’t a person who likes to sit and read.  Audible can be helpful if you like to be on the go.
3. Build your tribe.  I cannot stress this enough. You are the company that you keep, so it is important that you surround yourself with people who bring value to your life.  One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 27:17, As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.  We need each other. It is important that you have women in your corner that can recognize when you are down and will be there to lift you up.  Another good scriptures is 1 Thessalonians 5:11, So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.
4. Positive Affirmations—be mindful of your thoughts. Challenge negative thoughts and self-talk with positive thinking.  Be careful what you tell yourself or what you allow others to tell you about yourself.
5. Give yourself grace!! We are all learning and unlearning as we go.  No one is perfect.  Go easy on yourself and understand that life is too short to not live it to the fullest.

I pray that it in the new year, you are more intentional about caring for yourself so that you can continue to operate in your best you!!! Be Blessed!