Mommin'. Wife'n. Queenin'.

But it’s Trending…

October 23, 2024October 22, 2024 Alesha Shaw

I will never forget, a few years ago, someone, in frustration, telling me that I insist on being different. They meant it as an insult because there was a movie trending, and I had no interest in jumping on the bandwagon just because everyone was saying to watch it. This person couldn’t understand that with all the hoopla going on about the movie, I wasn’t drawn to watch it. I couldn’t understand why they felt I needed to see it because everyone was discussing it. For me, 1) It didn’t seem like a movie I was interested in and 2) I felt like eventually I would get around to seeing it if I got the desire to. (I ended up watching the movie several months later and didn’t find it to be as good as people made it out to be. It actually gave me the heeby jeebies and wouldn’t be anything I’d watch again). Anywho, the comment stuck with me. Although I don’t necessarily INSIST on standing out, I was flattered that someone recognized that I don’t give in to the hype. What was meant to be an insult, just confirmed that I am just different and that is ok with me. That is actually one thing I love about myself.

I have always been told, “You are different,” or been side-eyed because of my quirkiness and my tendency to have different perspectives on things. Let’s add the looks/comments I get because I do not like Apple products when the whole world seems to think they are the crème de la crème. For as long as I can remember, I went to the beat of my own drum. I really couldn’t help it. It is just who I am. I went to an HBCU and had no problem bumping Ashlee Simpson or Good Charlotte as I drove to my classes on campus. I call it a blessing because I knew that those who were in my life, really liked me for me despite my quirkiness. Thankfully, God always sent me my tribe.

Lately, I have been discovering how sometimes we have to be careful of indulging in things just because it is trending. I have started to see things differently, and I am thankful for the mind God has given me, which is to just be myself, and not to be phased by what is happening in the world. Whenever you ask God for wisdom, be prepared to see things in a way that you never had before. Also, be prepared to be challenged by people because your eyes are open to things theirs aren’t. 1 John 5:19 says,And we know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness (KJV). Because of this, we shouldn’t be so willing to hop on everything that appears to be “cool” or what seems to be “the thing to do.” Satan is a trickster, and for some reason, we have been trained to think that he is some red, ugly creature with horns that is easily identifiable. The reality is, he poses in many ways, usually those ways are very enticing, and beautiful, and make you feel like you have to have it or indulge. In many ways, they are trending…

Call me crazy, but I don’t see the hype about Starbucks, iPhones, Stanley cups, or anything else that people seem to rave about (and no, I am not saying these things are the devil, so before someone gets in their feelings, relax and hear me out). I mention these things because of how much they are promoted and how much people defend them. I do think they are used to be distractions for many, and many have begun to idolize them. This is where it becomes a problem because the bible clearly says in 1 John 5:21, Little children, keep yourselves from idols (KJV). I am learning that idolatry opens up so many doors for the enemy to come in and attack you, so some things we shouldn’t take lightly. We need to be more aware and not so easily ready to jump on the bandwagon.

Have you noticed that things that are Godly are hardly ever trending?? The most recent example I can give is the movie, The Deliverance. When it began to trend, I knew it would deceive people into thinking it was something that it was not. The reality is, it was a horror film based on true events but because of the title, people completely missed that and raved about how great it was because of the apparent deliverance that took place during the movie. However, the things that happened during the filming of this movie were evidence of something demonic in the midst. During this time, the movie, The Forge, a faith-based movie was also out. I heard very little of this movie, but the things I did hear were great reviews. However, it got overshadowed by the TRENDING, The Deliverance. Now, I am not judging anyone who saw the movie and enjoyed it, but I just wish people would see it for what it is. A horror film. Just like Poltergeist and The Exorcist. Just because something is based on true events, doesn’t make it less demonic. Demonic activity does happen in the real world, however, I ain’t about to purposely subject myself to it. Some portals I prefer to remain closed! You hear me? But this is what happens when we hop on something just because it is trending!! We become too much like the world and are not in our Word enough to understand what we are subjecting ourselves to. Lines are getting blurred, and many of us are living a life claiming to be Christian but engaging in worldly things. When the lines are blurred, you have no discernment to know what you are inviting into your home or your life. We have a sense of Christianity and may even claim to be spiritual, but we are easily deceived because we don’t know the true word of God.

I speak to you as I speak to myself because there is a lot I don’t know and am still trying to understand and live the word of God. I am sure I have unknowingly subjected myself to things because I didn’t do the necessary research. But I do know that my radar always goes up when something begins to trend. I always try to understand the spirit behind it. In my opinion, there is nothing in this world that should have people losing their minds (and money) to have, see, or be a part of. So, all I am saying is, be ok with not following the crowd. Be ok with having your own style, your own mind, and your own interests. Be ok with being the you God created you to be because sometimes when you hop on things just because they are trending, you are unaware of what you are inviting in your lives. Be blessed!

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him, 1 John 2:25. (KJV)

Unpopular Opinion: Pageantry Edition

October 2, 2024 Alesha Shaw

So y’all, I am stuck on pageantry since that has been my life for the past 2 years, LOL!! Even though I have always been a fan of pageantry, for about 6 years, I had lost interest in it, and didn’t follow too much of it. Even before that, it was always just entertainment and a hobby for me, so I never fully studied it. However, after re-entering into this world, I began to pay more attention to things to learn and understand more about it. I learned more about the different systems and different perspectives that people had regarding it. Each system had its own standards and objectives, and it promoted different things. What I noticed the most though is how people would begin to adjust who they are to fit certain systems and stereotypes in order to give them a leg up in the competition. Because of this, what I saw happening is a whole lot of queens, following trends and superstitions, and not necessarily showcasing their best selves, but showcasing another version of the previous winners or becoming Pageant Patties. If you have to do a lot of adjusting to who you are for a pageant system, that is not the system for you. You should be able to show up as the queen you are, not the queen you think they want. Sure, you may need some coaching and guidance, but a coach’s job is to bring out your strengths, help build confidence, and give you constructive criticism to be your best. Not change who you are. You know? Anywho, here are a few unpopular opinions I have after studying some things in pageantry. I am sure some may not agree which is why I say, UNPOPULAR, but I wanted to share them anyway because hey, I am entitled to have my thoughts, right?

NO more Cookie-Cutter Cathy. She is what some may call a Pageant Patty, a stereotypical beauty queen who wants to save the world and have world peace. I think we are in a day and age, where people want to see genuine queens, who have substance, who are intelligent, but also can be the queen next door. It is okay to post without makeup, do typical everyday tasks, and not display a picture of perfection. This shows other young ladies and women, that pageantry can be for anyone, not just those who wake up looking like a glamour queen every day. It is for women who are involved in the communities, on their jobs, entrepreneurs, mompreneurs, and who are forces to be reckoned with. Constantly portraying a picture of perfection can be off-putting and disingenuous. It doesn’t appear relatable, and queens need to be relatable.

Pageants are won in interview? I, honestly, don’t think they are. Sure, they are usually scored higher, but it is not just from conversation. Do you know why many queens invest so much into headshots?? Because this is the first look the judges have of you. They see your face and beauty before you even sit down for the interview. Therefore, I strongly feel that it is your headshot that matters, first, AND if you look like your headshot and are well-spoken and intelligent, then it will affect how highly you are scored in other areas of competitions. Here me out, if my headshot is not the best, but I am well-spoken and do well in my interview, I am still not winning that pageant. You have to understand pageants have sponsors and many times you are going to be the face and spokesperson for those sponsors, so you have to look appealing to not just the pageant judges but to the sponsors who are investing in whatever system you are competing. You are representing both. I have made the mistake of not looking like my headshot during interviews, and I know it negatively impacted me for sure. In one instance, I was overly made up in my headshot and not as made up in my interview. The pageant had clearly stated that they wanted a natural-looking headshot, but when I went for the photoshoot…let’s just say the makeup artist just wasn’t the right makeup artist for me, and there was nothing I could do because I didn’t have the funds to get them redone. On the other, I was overly made up in my interview (on top of that, my foundation shade did not match), and not as made up in my headshot. (The quality of my headshot wasn’t the best either). Not only did I not score well, but I knew I was overly made up, and it affected my confidence and posture when I was being interviewed. So, in my opinion, pageants are won by consistency. Do you look the look? Can you talk the talk? Can you walk the walk? You can be the best interviewer in the world and still score high in that area and not walk away with the crown if everything else ain’t matching. (My last pageant: the interview was only about 2 minutes…ain’t no way anyone won JUST from 2-minutes of responding to questions that weren’t even that deep).

White dresses are overrated and played out. I am so sick of seeing white dresses on a pageant stage. I used to think white looked beautiful, especially on brown-skinned ladies, but now, I am so over it. I will say this, and I don’t care if feelings are hurt. If I see one more Mrs. America queen win in a white dress, I am going to scream and swear it is a conspiracy. (And yes, I competed for the title in a white dress, but I really liked the dress. It was beautiful! However, I had no clue that it was a thing in that system to have a white dress, otherwise, I would have chosen differently—that is why you must do your research). Here are the reasons I want to ban the white dress: 1) It gets boring to watch. Really, how many styles of white dresses can we see? 2) If 80% of the contestants are wearing white dresses, the chances of a queen winning with a white dress is going to be higher as well. So maybe the reason white dresses are winning is because everyone is choosing to wear one, not because they like queens with white dresses, so stop choosing white dresses! If you choose not to wear a white dress, they can’t pick a winner in a white dress!!!! There are sooo many beautiful dresses in so many other colors that would look great on different complexions and beautiful on stage. Let’s be different. Let’s break the mold. Ok, I got that out of my system.

There should be no talent competition for Ms. or Mrs. pageants. I am not saying women in this age/category are not talented, but I don’t think it should matter at this point if they can entertain. When I think of pageants that have talents, they are usually scholarship pageants, meaning, the winner gets some type of scholarship to further their education. When I think of Ms. or Mrs., I am thinking of someone at least the age of 21 (most are older), who may or may not have kids, but has a job or career, maybe even an LLC or non-profit. They may be attending college, but most are not. Does not having a talent take away from your ability to be an impactful and effective queen? I, honestly, don’t think it does. Most women who compete in the Ms. or Mrs. pageants barely have time to manage a home and their careers, schooling, or business, let alone, practice a talent that will most likely only be used for that competition, unless your talent is your career/side hustle. I remember practicing my talent for the last pageant I competed in and thinking I had made a mistake in choosing to compete in a pageant that not only required talent but had it as one of the highest scores (probably was a mistake). It made me question what was really important to the pageant, and if it aligned with the things I thought were important. Yeah, probably should have thought of that before I paid that fee. (You live and you learn)

Capes—hummm, these are hit or miss for me. Quite frankly, I am getting tired of seeing them; only because people are beginning to model them and showcase them in the same ways, which is starting to make it boring, and copycat-ish. Not all dresses require a flowing cape, and not all people can rock them. I always thought gowns shouldn’t make the person or the performance. How confident you appear in the gown is what matters. I think some ladies are using capes as a crutch. What do I mean by that? They are showing the cape as if it is a part of the competition, not them in the dress. So, the mindset, in my opinion, is to look at my beautiful flowing cape, rather than look at how I am rocking this dress. There is a way to walk with the cape, confidently without the cape getting the attention. I’ve seen queens rock it fiercely, and I have seen some…not so much! And if you not about to rock, don’t roll it! Does that make sense?

We need more short-haired queens!! I love to see beautiful women without the typical pageant hair! Some of my favs are Mrs. International 2023, Rachel Marks…stunning; Mrs. America 2021, Jackie Blankenship…a beauty, and Ms. Black USA, Kelley Reed…gorgeous!!

That’s it! That’s all! This is all for entertainment purposes only, and just my opinion. I am sure nothing will change until something else starts trending and everyone jumps on it. Until then, I am just going to sit back and continue to live life, LOL!

God Belongs in Pageantry

September 18, 2024September 18, 2024 Alesha Shaw

Lose to Win…Again!

Last week, I shared my experience and thoughts on my previous pageant competition on my podcast, but I also felt like I wanted to share on my blog as well. It is sometimes easier to express myself through writing than through speaking. It’s been over a month since I competed for the title of Ms. Black USA, and I am barely getting back into somewhat of a normal routine. Switching gears is always hard when you have been working so hard for so long on something. To add, I turned 40 in July and was also planning a small, little shindig to celebrate with my family, so I had a lot going on. Anywho, I always have to share my experience each time I compete, and this one is no different. I am going to get straight to it. What I learned was God belongs in pageantry. Yep, He sure does. I know many believers compete, and many coaches and programs that are Christian, but I didn’t think much of it until my recent competition.

I spent much of my prep time seeking God and wanting to make sure that I was grounded in Him. I was convinced that He wanted me in the world of pageantry. However, I didn’t necessarily want to continue with it. Because of this, I sought Him to try and get clarity on my why and because I didn’t want to do this half-heartedly. Also, I wanted my true self to shine (Matthew 5:16). I didn’t want to walk around with some sort of false confidence that would dwindle once I was around other queens. I wanted to shine from the inside out. I wanted it to be obvious that I was a queen not because of my appearance but because of my spirit. I am a pretty confident person, but when it comes to pageantry, you are amongst women who are just as deserving of winning as you are, so you never want to make room for the devil to seep in and make you feel less than. Let’s be real, you are purposely subjecting yourself to be judged in comparison to other women based on your looks, intelligence, personality, and impact. That is tough!

This time, because I had a better understanding of what is expected in pageantry; I was determined to step up my game. I didn’t really want to be in this world, but I figured if I competed and went through the full process such as making sure I was fit, interview coaching, runway coaching, etc., and it yielded the desired result maybe the desire to be in this world would change. Actually, the opposite happened. I ended up sitting here like, God why do you want me to be here if I can’t even be successful in it? Why do you keep making me look and feel like a fool? I was reminded of His words to me months before competing which were, “It is not about the win!” And even though I knew that, I was like, But it would be nice, God. I mean this is really taking a lot of my time and mental space, the least that could happen is for it to end in my favor, LOL! *eye roll*

What really took me out was all that I experienced during the actual competition. My nerves were unusually bad, I was shaking uncontrollably, and one of the judges didn’t even find it necessary to even watch my gown competition. I mean, the woman didn’t look up once! That showed me what He wanted me to learn. “Your worth is not determined by some judges’ scorecards. Your worth is determined by ME, and who I say you are!! Sure, having a crown may have its benefits, but if you don’t have Me, you have nothing!!”

Had I not spent the prior months preparing, spiritually, as well as all the other stuff, this loss could have been a hard blow. Why? Because I really did work hard and put a lot into it. It is even tougher when you have a family and job to tend to. I was so proud of myself, and I knew I had the potential to come out on top, so when I didn’t, I could have allowed it to make me question myself and my worth. But all the affirmations/scriptures I spoke to myself came in handy when I began to feel like a failure. “I am a masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). My beauty is not determined by my outward appearance but by my meek spirit (1 Peter 3:4). I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14). I am a chosen people. A royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9).” That is why God belongs in pageantry.

You cannot put yourself up to compete amongst beautiful, deserving women if your identity is not rooted in Him. Imagine the mental exercises that go on in your head during pageant week, as you meet the others vying for the same title. Now add, not knowing who you are, insecurities, negative self-talk, lack of confidence, imposter syndrome, and not implanting God anywhere in the equation. Also, imagine being confident and prepared while still walking away and not reaching the intended goal. You have to be ok with that. There is nothing more beautiful in pageantry than losing with grace and knowing that you are not broken because of it but understanding it was just not in God’s plan or your time.

It’s ministry. Many women enjoy pageantry. But many women are not prepared for all that comes with it. It is not just about being pretty and modeling swimsuits and gowns. It’s about showcasing your best self, and yourself is not at its best if you are not seeking God and seeing yourself through His eyes. Although God and I had our moments during this time, and I questioned why in the world He wants me here if I feel so inadequate, I know that it is to remind me of where my validation comes from. My feelings of inadequacy keep me relying on Him. And maybe….just maybe… my journey inspires others to not only seek pageantry but to seek God while seeking pageantry. Be blessed!!!

40 Things I’ve Learned from 40 Years of Living

September 4, 2024September 4, 2024 Alesha Shaw

So in July, I turned the big 4-0! It was a milestone that I was actually thrilled to cross. Many people I went to school with didn’t make it this far, so I am grateful to have reached this milestone. I sat reflecting on what I have learned until now and decided to make a list. At first, it was difficult to really narrow it all down, so I just decided to write them as they came to my mind, and this is what I came up with….

God is good!
I am nothing without Him
It is ok to make mistakes
Not everyone thinks like you
Don’t expect YOU from people
Sometimes you outgrow things…even people
Be yourself
Choose those who choose you
If you don’t like something about yourself change it
People’s opinion of you is usually a reflection of themselves (good or bad)
Things are never as good or as bad as they seem
I am actually a pretty cool person
You can tell a lot about a person by the things they gravitate to
I often contradict myself…not purposely, my opinions of things just change sometimes
Give your parents a break, they were never parents before
Give yourself a break
Always show grace for yourself and others
No one is perfect
Confidence is silent, insecurities are usually loud
Sometimes you have to unlearn things
I am comfortable in my skin
It is a blessing to have good women on your side
Everyday is not going to be a good day
You will encounter bad people
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12)
Building your relationship with God will get your through some tough times
Sometimes life circumstances are a result of the decisions you have made… how you choose to respond to certain situations will yield the results from your decisions (good or bad)
First impressions are important
I am a masterpiece. (Ephesians 2:10)
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Never put your full reliance on man
We all need a little therapy
Don’t let your gifts go to waist
Life is too short to be miserable
Family is everything (use whatever definition of family you like)
Even though I don’t always like people, we are not meant to be alone… Keep good people around you
It’s ok to ask for help—many times, we don’t have what we need because we are too proud to ask… there are plenty of people who have been sent to help you but you won’t ask or accept
Save your money!!
Don’t be a follower… you weren’t made to blend in. You were made to stand out
Put God above all things

There are so many things I can add to this list, but since I said 40, I am going to keep it at that, lol!! I am so thankful and grateful for the woman I have become. I thank God for giving me the life, the mind, and the opportunities that He has given me. I wouldn’t trade my 40 years of experience for anything in the world. I just pray that I keep living and learning for the next 40+ years!! Be blessed, y’all!

Fun Facts

June 5, 2024May 28, 2024 Alesha Shaw

Hey y’all!! What have you all been up to? I have been working and preparing to compete for the title of Ms. Black USA 2024. I haven’t posted in a while, and I figured it would be cool to share with you guys some fun facts about me as I ease my way back into my blog, lol. So, if you are interested, keep reading!!

Favorite Color: To be honest, it changes depending on my mood… Most of the time Hot Pink, but I also love purple and bold colors like Cobalt blue, Kelly green, and orange… oh leopard print, yes that is a color!! –and don’t let any of these colors be sequined because that makes it even better–
Favorite Book: Right now, I will say Though I Stumble, by Kimberly Tate
Favorite TV show: Judge Judy (don’t judge me, I love her and her reruns)
Movies I can watch over and over and never get tired: Carrie, B.A.P.S., Pretty Woman, Devil Wears Prada, Home Alone, Forrest Gump, Boomerang… To name a few. Let’s just say, if I love it, I will watch it repeatedly.
My spirit celebrity: Traci Ellis Ross (I swear we have the same style and personality)
My spirit animal: Hummingbird and Monkey
The first concert I attended as a teenager: Immature with guests Kut Klose and Subway
My birthplace: Coushatta, Louisiana, but raised in El Paso, Texas
Favorite childhood memory: visiting my family in Louisiana every summer
The last concert I attended: Tye Tribbett’s Only One Night Though tour went to.
Last book I read: The Man Fast by Dr. Tamika Hall (awesome book, check it out on amazon.com)
Playlists you will find on my phone: Praise and Worship; 90’s R&B; White Nostalgia (songs by white artists that are in different genres)
Favorite Gospel Artist: Mali Music, Tye Tribbett, Travis Greene
Artists who I love to listen to when I am down (other than gospel artists): The Chicks, Alanis Morrisette, Tracey Chapman, The Cranberries, Sade
If the following songs are played at any event, I won’t be able to contain myself: Back that a$$ up; Get Low; Thong Song, The Worship Medley, Jesus Can Work it Out! (Again, don’t judge me, ok? LOL)

There are so many more, but I will stop here so I won’t overwhelm you. Hehehe! Hopefully, this gives you a little insight into who I am as you read my blog posts. I am a God-fearing woman who is somewhat quirky and may be considered “different” to some, and I love every part of it. I am so thankful that God made me who I am. It took me awhile to appreciate the skin I am in, but oh, how I love it now!!!

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” ~Ephesians 2:10

Fear is not of God

March 28, 2024March 28, 2024 Alesha Shaw

Do it afraid! That phrase has been used a lot over the past several years. I found myself using it pretty often. As a matter of fact, it was my motto for most of the pandemic years (2020 -2022). I wrote a blog post about it. I think I called it DO IT AFRAID!! If you go back and read my past posts, you may find it. I choose not to delete it because it only shows my growth over the years as I grow my relationship with God. However, I will admit, it helped me push through things I would have normally talked myself out of. But as of lately, God has been dealing with me and the spirit of fear. What He has been revealing to me is the idea that fear is not of Him, so maybe we should stop saying, “Do it afraid!” but instead, meditate on 2 Timothy 1:7, For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Many well-known ministers have preached the “Do it afraid!” message so it is nothing anyone hasn’t heard. It sounds cute and empowering, and honestly, it definitely motivates us to just do whatever is in our hearts, but I also think it limits us and promotes unhealthy ways of thinking.

At some point, you have to stop doing it afraid and have FAITH that what it is that you are desiring to do, God has already gone before you and paved the way. Doing it afraid handicaps us by affirming our fears but not teaching us how to NOT be afraid. So, we live a life of fear which hinders us from growing in the confidence of God’s Word!! I know you are thinking, “But Alesha, I do get afraid! I am fearful!” And I am going to tell you, “Sure you are! I will not negate that.” However, what I will remind you is that fear is an emotion, and emotions are wishy-washy. They come and go, and we have to make the choice whether we are going to sit in them or move forward. Just because you feel it does not mean it is of God. See, the devil instills fear in you to keep you from doing the very thing that God has planned for you. Remember, God’s thoughts of you are of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11). So if you know that, why walk in fear, or do it afraid? How about doing it in faith knowing that God’s got your back? I say this to you as I say this to myself.

The enemy is constantly telling me lies to make me fearful. When I am pursuing a goal or planning my future, he likes to make me feel inadequate and as if what I want to pursue is impossible. LIES!! Because the truth is, nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37). So there is no reason, I should be doing anything afraid because God has already planned or me to prosper!!!

So whenever you get fearful, and find yourself motivating yourself by uttering the words, Do it Afraid, I challenge you to instead say, I will do this in faith for God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind!! Be blessed y’all.

An Idol Mind is a Devil’s Workshop

February 7, 2024February 5, 2024 Alesha Shaw

Disclaimer: It has taken me several weeks to get my thoughts together and write this post. From the time I saw the post on Instagram that inspired this to the time I began writing, all I saw were videos on this topic. It began to flood my brain, making it difficult to process my thoughts in a way that I felt made sense. So I hope as you read this, it resonates with you.

Toward the end of 2023, I kept coming across the word idol. I was scrolling Instagram, and a post popped up asking, “Are you making your issues your idol?” That caused me to pause because I had never looked at an idol in that way. After stumbling upon that post, the words idol and idolatry appeared to be everywhere. I knew it was probably something I needed to stop and look into, especially since every teaching I watched talked about idolatry and the effect it has on Christians. According to a well-known prophetess, idolatry is anything that you love more than your obedience to God. Wow!!!

So many things came rushing to the forefront of my mind. I used to associate idols with individuals, but here I was learning something else. I think we all struggle with idolatry whether we want to believe it or not. Look at how much we are on our phones (idol), on social media (idol), obsess over celebs and influencers (idols) or the latest craze (idol). But what really got me was how many people even idolize Christianity and the church. I hear many people say they do not attend church because of someone who hurt them that was in the church or because Christians are hypocrites, etc. Well, I can completely understand being hurt by the church or the people in it and gaining a different, less positive perspective, but if it keeps you away, that could be because you made church (and the people in it) your idol. Your focus was on them and NOT God. Your expectation of them was perfection, when HE is the only one who is perfect. Remember, people are human. You cannot put more faith in them than you do God. They will let you down every time! Anywho, I digress from my main point.

My main point is that we have become a society of idolatry. We we have made even the unlikely of things our idol, including our issues and even our roles. We are giving them more attention that we do our God. Every day we dwell on the things that are going wrong, but are we praying though? Are we looking at the things that are actually going right? Are we studying the Word of God? I ain’t going to lie. I have been guilty of spending more time complaining than I have being grateful. I have spent more time trying to figure out things on my own strength than I have trusting God. I have been guilty of idolizing my roles as mother and wife by trying to be so perfect that I didn’t rest in the grace God has given me for those roles.

It’s like, we are obsessing over things that does more harm to us than good. Or, we are trying to control things that we can’t control so they end up controlling us. That is making issues your idol! You ever heard the term an idle mind is the devil’s workshop? Now, I am thinking it’s more like an idol mind is a devil’s workshop. These things are leading us to destruction whether we realize it or not. If it isn’t physical destruction, it is mental, emotional, or worse, spiritual destruction! And we wonder why we are tired, rundown, listless, and pooping out at parties, and need our vitameatavegimens. (I’m serious, but just wanted to lighten it up a little). Because of the things we are idolizing!

Look at your life, I am sure you can think of one thing that you love more than your obedience to God. You may say, I love God. He knows my heart. But seriously, when is the last time you chose Him over something else you love. There have been plenty of times, my goal was to sit down and read my Bible or write in my journal and pray, but I don’t want my kids or my husband to feel neglected so that free time I set aside for myself to do this, gets filled with time with them. You may think, well that is not so bad. That’s your family. However, God gave me my family! So, my first priority should be to spend time with Him. After all, He is the one who gives me the strength I need to be the person I am for my family. Get what I am saying?

All I am saying is, be careful not to make things or people you idols. It is one thing to you admire people or be inspired, but it is another to make them your idol. It one thing to vent about your issues, it is another thing to give them power!! God is all powerful. He is the only one that can give you pure joy, peace, and strength to live the life He graced you for. Not people, not things, not your issues! Get my drift? I hope so!! Be blessed, y’all!

Are you truly practicing self-care?

January 10, 2024January 10, 2024 Alesha Shaw

It’s a new year, y’all!! So how do you plan to take care of yourself in 2024? Do you plan to implement more self-care into your life?

What do you think of when you hear the term self-care? What comes to mind? There has been a tremendous increase in identifying the need for self-care. As a woman, who rarely practiced self-care, I appreciate the recognition of its necessity. However, I see that self-care is sometimes identified as a way to take care of the outer you rather than the inner you. While attending a Galentine’s day brunch one February, someone brought up the question, are we truly practicing self-care or self-maintenance? My whole perception changed and I no longer see self-care the same.

So, when I asked the question, what do you think of when you hear self-care, many women would mention, taking time to do something specifically for you that makes you feel better. Some may mention a spa day or getting your nails done or maybe even getting a massage. I would like to challenge you and ask, is this really self-care? Or is it self-maintenance? What is self-maintenance? How is that different from self-care?

I have always been the woman who keeps my hands manicured and make sure my feet are well maintained. I considered that my self-care. Every two weeks while my daughter attended dance classes, I used that time to take care of my mani and pedi at the nail salon next door to her dance school. I thought I was doing myself a favor and getting in my self-care. But get this, I was still down, frustrated on the job, feeling depressed and anxious, lost, and all those manis and pedis did were maintain the image that I put out while deep down I was falling apart. They made me feel good for the moment and even made me feel and look well-kept, but was it truly self-care? How could it be when those negative feelings and thoughts were not going away. I begin to understand that self-maintenance is based on feelings while self-care is based off of healing.

I was so good at suppressing my feelings by heading over to Amazon and filling up my cart with things I don’t need, going to the outlets to get a good deal on a normally expensive item, making sure I look decent by getting my hair done, but it took me a while to realize that that wasn’t taking away my sadness. I did this under the guise of self-care, when really, I was attempting to fill a void. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that self-maintenance is a bad thing. When you look and feel good on the outside, it will definitely help you feel better on the inside, but the point is, it is only temporary. In my opinion, you need both, but first you have to understand what true self-care is. This should be your main priority.

Self-care is about soul-care. It is making sure that you are healing from past traumas and daily occurrences that may hinder you from being the YOU, you were created to be. It is building a spiritual relationship and healing so that you are able to fully function as a whole human being rather than a broken one. I started to see a significant change when I started to see that self-care was soul care. I needed to make sure my soul was good. How did I do that?? Well, I started to get up earlier in the morning to pray, journal, and read my bible. I had to get up at a time that I would not be interrupted by my family, and that it will just be me and my maker. Mark 1:35 states, “Very early in the morning, while it still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” I needed to create a place of solitude. There was a time, when I actually left my home, early in the morning and walked around my neighborhood and prayed, or listened to podcasts that were uplifting, or just looked for miracle, signs, and wonders in nature as I walked. This allowed me to build a relationship with God and to understand that He does not want me to be frustrated, anxious, or depressed. He says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30).

Self-care requires check-ins and seeing how you are feeling at any given moment. Is there something troubling you? If so, what are you going to do to work through that? Is it something simple that requires a quick conservation with a trusted individual or something more serious that may require therapy. We cannot forget…THERAPY!! As someone who has a background in mental health, I recognize and support the idea of therapy, 100%. We are our worst enemies, and we can stay in our heads to the point that it becomes dangerous. SO, it is always good to have a trained person to help you rationalize your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It is also important to challenge negative thoughts by practicing affirmations and reminding yourself of what you are truly capable of.

I have also learned the importance of creating boundaries. Setting boundaries does not always mean just saying, “NO!”, to everything, but it is simply teaching people how to treat you. It’s letting someone know that, now may not be the right time or you need some time to gather yourself before you respond. Boundaries help others understand you and allow you to respond and be at your best.

Another thing to check is, are you breathing ok? Slow down. Sometimes we go and go, but do not stop to even check to see how we are breathing. When you are feeling anxious, it is good practice to stop and focus on breathing. I can go on and on about the importance of self-care aka soul care, but we will be here forever. So let me just give you my top five things that I engage in that have been helpful to me as I have practiced self-care, and hopefully it can be helpful for you as well.

Retreating. I am not saying that you have to go out and spend money on some extravagant retreat. I am saying retreat in its purest form….retreat to your secret place. It could be the bathroom, it could be a small area in your closet (if you have one big enough), it could be outside in your backyard, anywhere that you can be alone for at least 15 minutes). Use this time to pray, journal, or meditate. Or just to curl up in a fluffy blanket to just rest!!!!
Read. I know everyone is not a reader, but I promise you, reading an inspiring novel or self-help book can do so much for the soul. They even have audible books now that can be helpful, if you aren’t a person who likes to sit and read. Audible can be helpful if you like to be on the go.
Build your tribe. I cannot stress this enough. You are the company that you keep, so it is important that you surround yourself with people who bring value to your life. One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 27:17, As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. We need each other. It is important that you have women in your corner that can recognize when you are down and will be there to lift you up. Another good scriptures is 1 Thessalonians 5:11,So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.
Positive Affirmations—be mindful of your thoughts. Challenge negative thoughts and self-talk with positive thinking. Be careful what you tell yourself or what you allow others to tell you about yourself.
Give yourself grace!! We are all learning and unlearning as we go. No one is perfect. Go easy on yourself and understand that life is too short to not live it to the fullest.

I pray that it in the new year, you are more intentional about caring for yourself so that you can continue to operate in your best you!!! Be Blessed!

It’s 2024!!

January 4, 2024January 4, 2024 Alesha Shaw

So we are almost a week into the new year, and I am feeling optimistic!! I don’t have much to say, but just wanted to share my thoughts and some encouragement. I already know that 2024 is going to be an amazing year. I am claiming it. I plan to be intentional about what I allow into my spaces, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional spaces, I am going to be cautious and protective. I will do things I have never done and expand my horizons! What’s the saying? You have to do things you have never done to get to where you have never been… Well, that’s my plan for 2024. In doing so, I do feel it is important to reset and regroup. The latter part of my year, I took a vow to just chill, relax, and refocus on new goals I had for my life. Now, I am ready to get the ball rolling again. I am building my spiritual man and trusting God’s grace to get me through any obstacles that may come in 2024, and living off of the promises of His plans to prosper me. Sooo, with that being said. I think it is important for all of us to have something we can meditate on to keep us encouraged throughout the year. It is great to be optimist and trust that God will do what He does best, BUT we also have to understand that obstacles will come and when we set goals, sometimes it can get discouraging along the way. We have to have tools we can pull out during those discouraging times. Here are some scriptures, I plan to meditate on to keep me focused and motivated this year!! Hopefully, they can be of help to you too.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. ~2 Timothy 1:7
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. ~Jeremiah 29:11
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ~Romans 12:12
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. ~Matthew 6:33

Be blessed in 2024, y’all!

Hosea 4:6

October 4, 2023September 27, 2023 Alesha Shaw

There have been so many conversations about “worldly practices” that we have normalized that are being called out as ungodly, and if you are claiming to be a Christian, you should not partake. This has created somewhat of a division amongst one another because 1) the TRUTH hurts and 2) no one wants to have to remove anything from their lives that has historically made them happy and appears to have done no harm. From yoga and Halloween to attending a Beyonce concert, conversations have been going on about what is and what is not acceptable in God’s sight.

It is funny because one day I was thinking, I need to get back to reading my bible, and I was led to start reading the book of Hosea. I honestly hadn’t heard much of this book, so I am sure it was divine that I was drawn to it. I began to read how the people angered God because they continued to worship idol gods and refused to acknowledge God. They rejected His law and continued to sin. God was so angry that He said He would not bless them for their disobedience. One scripture that stood out in this book is, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…”, Hosea 4:6 (KJV). This made me think of what is happening in the world today. Things are happening right in front of our eyes, but because we choose not to study His word and gain wisdom and knowledge for ourselves, we walk blindly down the path of darkness. Then, we wonder why our lives are in shambles. Instead of seeking the truth for ourselves, we argue with one another on social media to justify ourselves and coddle our feelings of discomfort and acts of ignorance. There was a conversation in a group that I am a part of on Facebook. Many of the women were getting offended by someone reposting a post where someone pointed out some things that we participate in, we should reconsider partaking in. Because many people partake in said things, there was a lot of back and forth in the comments about how “everything ain’t the devil” and how they would continue to indulge. To be honest, I have found myself saying some of the things I had read in the comments, and that is when I realized how wrong I was in my thinking. At first, I thought, to each its own, but then I said, this is scary!! People are really ok with their ignorance. As long as we feel “good” and don’t appear to be affected by these things, we willingly choose not to study what God says about it.

I have chosen to ask God for wisdom and discernment, and there have been a series of things that God has been revealing to me that I am now seeing from a different perspective. We may think that there is nothing wrong with indulging in worldly things, but the bible says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will,” Romans 12:2 (NIV). If we looked like the world and did the things of the world, how would we show them the goodness of God? What would intrigue them to follow Him?? It also says, “You have been set apart as holy to the LORD your God, and he has chosen you from all the nations of the earth to be his own special treasure.” (Deuteronomy 14:2, NLT).

I ain’t gonna lie to you. I am writing this from a conflicted heart because there are still things that I am having trouble removing or completely letting go of. So, this is in no way of judgment to anyone because I am learning and growing, too, and I think it is important that we check ourselves and our convictions. This is to encourage anyone reading this to seek Him for yourself and to study your word. Ask God for wisdom so you can discern what you should not indulge in for yourself.

The moral of the story is, “Everything ain’t the devil!” But some things just aren’t a good look. God is not pleased; we shall seek to please Him, not the world.

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Fatheris not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.” (1 John 2:15-16, NIV)

Be blessed!