Month: August 2021

I wanted to piggie back off my previous post.  When I was pondering on things I wanted to be freed from, not only did I think of other’s people opinions when it came to my success, it was also being free from worrying about people hating me in general.  I thought about a time when I experienced someone hating me who had never even met me and figured I would share that story as well.

So, a few years ago, I remember an incident where a person was being treated unfairly because of their friendship with me.  Mind you, the person who was doing the mistreating of my friend didn’t even know me.  As a matter of fact, she had never even met me.  To this day, I really have no clue who she is or why she chose to have an issue with me.  All I remember is being told she “hated” me despite never even knowing anything about me.  The only connection we had was we worked for the same employer, and she was the supervisor who came after me when I left to come work at my current employer.

I remember how, at first, it bothered me so bad because I was like, who is this person?  Why does she not like me? Did someone tell her something negative about me?  I couldn’t fathom how anyone could hold any animosity towards me (especially for no apparent reason). That is just plain silly, but truth of the matter is, it is possible. Then I thought about it, and I prayed on it because I was bothered by the fact that someone would actually hate me. I realized, “Alesha, not everyone is going to like you…and that is ok.” I have to admit that it was hard to digest because I know my heart and I know that to know me is to love me. I am far from perfect, but I never mean any ill will towards anyone. I will never intentionally do wrong to anyone because my heart/guilt wouldn’t take it.  That very same thing is what helped me to accept the fact that not everyone will like me.  I cannot help it if someone does not take the opportunity to get to know me. As a matter of fact, it is their lost and I kind of feel sorry for them. Not because they don’t like me but because it must be hard to walk around with the spirit of “hate” in your heart.  It has to be tormenting and draining. That is not a life I would like to live. 

I remember having to dig deep and really do some thinking. I started to think of the many times I had interacted with people and how I would experience this weird vibe or there was just something “not connecting.” I also thought about how I have done nothing to give reason for someone to “hate” me or dislike me, yet they do!!!  This is what I came up with…there is a spirit instilled in each and every one of us. In my opinion, it is a God-given spirit.  This spirit alerts us of who is “like us” and “not like us.” What I mean by this is there is the law of attraction. You attract like-minded people. At times when I was not “cliquing” with certain people or just found myself receiving weird vibes from people, mostly likely it was because our spirits were not connected, there was no compatibility…something was conflicting. Often times this is how I knew who I trusted and who I did not.  Often people I didn’t trust were the very same people I had to work with and/or answer to. Imagine sitting in meetings with people whose heart/spirit was not like yours but having to bear it and maintain your joy. It can be difficult, but if you have the spirit of God, it is possible!! What you have to realize is when you have the spirit of God in you, people who do not have the same, cannot handle that. They see a light in you, and sometimes attempt to plot ways to dim it.  Oftentimes, people have told me, they cannot read me. They do not know what I am thinking because I always have the poker face. Usually, these people do not take a liking to me simply because they don’t get me.  What folks don’t understand is this is my God-given shield. This is my protection from those who have unlike spirits. Those who plot to kill, steal, and destroy.  So most likely, if you are not taking a liking to me, it is probably because you mean no good for me, and most likely it is God protecting me from the likes of you.

This was a lesson I had to learn years ago, but still stands today.  Although it sucks that there will be folks out there who don’t like you or even hate you…it’s ok!!! It is not always a bad thing. It is a reflection of them not you. I remember reading something years back that says people’s perception of you is really a reflection of themselves. (You know what, that may have been something I said in a group I used to teach…I don’t know, I heard it somewhere). Anyway, rest assured that you are an awesome individual!! You are a child of the Most High God who has ways of protecting you from the enemy…sometimes that protection comes in the form of people not liking you. So don’t be sad or hurt…just lift your hands in the air and shout, “THANK YOU, JESUS!!!!!” …and keep it moving!!…Won’t He do it!! Let the church say, “Amen!!!”  


****….If God be for us, who can be against us? ~Romans 8:31(KJV)

If you have been following me for any of 2021, you will know that I have been on this path of JUST DOING IT, meaning stepping out on faith.  In doing so, I have gotten involved in several projects, including 3 anthologies.  One of the anthologies was entitled THE COURAGE TO BE FREE.  This was an anthology of women sharing their stories of how they were freed by something that kept them in bondage. This inspired me to write about the fear of success, and the things I am learning I need to free myself of in order to have the courage to succeed.

Although I am not going to give everything I discussed in my chapter on this post (you would have to purchase the book to get the whole story), I am going to share one thing that is important to free yourself of, and that is the opinions and concerns of others.  Believe it or not, this was something that frightened me about becoming successful.  I was afraid that others wouldn’t approve of my success! Isn’t that crazy, y’all? As I was sitting here thinking of how crazy and unhealthy that was, I decided to blog about it. 

I have hindered myself and my growth out of fear of what somebody was gon’ say…lawd! However, how many of us do that?  Have you ever slowed down your progress out of fear of leaving someone behind? Or fear that you weren’t deserving because someone else didn’t get what you got?  Let me tell you a story.  A few years ago, I was a drug and alcohol counselor.  Leadership was encouraging us all to go for a certain credential because it would assist with funding and billing purposes.  So, if we were eligible, we were told if we took the test and passed, we would receive a raise. 

There were quite a few of us who were eligible to take the test.  Now, I hate standardize tests.  I freak out and try to fill my head with all kinds of knowledge because you just never know what is going to be asked, right?  So, I made sure I studied as best I could because I hate failure. I mean who doesn’t?  I knew I would feel humiliated if I didn’t pass that test.  Mainly because at the time, I had the highest degree (as a counselor) at my job.  Granted there were others who were pursuing higher degrees, but I was the only one with a master’s at that time, so ain’t no way I was going to let my degree be in vain, you feel me?

Anywho, I went to take the test and passed it! I was excited. During a meeting, the program manager at the time shared with the others that I had passed and mentioned that another co-worker had taken the test as well and was awaiting their results.  Time passed (maybe a few days), and I remember walking by this coworker and was given an eye roll. Now if you don’t know me, let me share that I am a person who will not purposely hurt a soul.  Because of this, I can be oblivious to some things like someone showing animosity towards me.  So, you can imagine me being like, “hey girl!” not realizing that eye roll was aimed at me.  As the day went by, the aura the coworker was giving off was just off, kind of one of bitterness.  Then it clicked, she had not passed the test to receive the credential. Now, what that had to do with me? I don’t know but because she made it about me, I made it about me. I started to feel bad and didn’t want to talk about the achievement and slowly started to dim my light.  I was feeling like I didn’t want to “outshine” anyone or make anyone feel bad for not achieving their goal. (Mind you, several other counselors had taken and passed the test so I don’t know if they were getting the same eye roll and vibe I was getting, but I know I was feeling it heavy). 

As I sat in my office, I started thinking, I hate feeling this way.  I can’t even feel happy for myself. I should feel proud of myself, and I am over here feeling guilty. Guilty for what?  I began to give myself a pep talk and reminded myself that I should not allow anyone to make me feel bad for achieving a goal I set out for myself.  Their disappointment isn’t my burden.  I told myself that I had to stop feeling bad for doing well in areas where others may not.  THAT IS NOT MY ISSUE! That pep talk made me feel better and took a weight off of me that I didn’t realize I had taken on which was someone else’s disappointment.

Here I am, years later, and I find myself occasionally fighting the same battle.  In the Courage to be Free anthology, I share how I still struggle with shrinking myself and not truly celebrating my achievements out of fear that someone will have a negative opinion about it.  Do you know how dangerous that is?  It is not just the idea of shrinking because of other’s opinions, but the idea that someone else’s opinion matters more than God’s.  I can imagine how disappointed He is when we do not take His word for truth.  Let’s just reflect on Jeremiah 29:11,  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV) I love this scripture because it tells me I am in good hands.  If He has plans for my future, doesn’t that mean there will be some successes along my path?  And if there are successes along my path, shouldn’t I be thanking Him for keeping His promises instead of allowing someone to make me feel undeserving?  The late great, Maya Angelou says in her poem, Hater, what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.  Look, at the end of the day, I am trying to bask in all of His glory and blessings. I want to live a life of abundance and favor, and I no longer want to jeopardize that by not acknowledging my blessings and walking around trying to make myself small so someone else can feel big. Nope, no ma’am!!  That was why it was vital for me to free myself of the notion that I was responsible for someone’s else feelings and opinions.  I had to free myself from stunting my growth just to make someone else feel adequate.  First of all, that ain’t my job, and second of all, who do I think I am anyway?  I ain’t got no control over nobody (excuse my ebonics).  They are responsible for themselves!!  As much as I understand this, it is still a process, and I still have to watch myself and remind myself that someone’s opinion of me is not my business.  

So, I say this to you.  Anytime someone is feeling some type of way about your success or just plain “hating” on you, thank God! Why? Because it means you are doing something right, and He is keeping His promise. Just keep working and keep praying.  And although there will be some who may be uncomfortable with your successes, there will be plenty more who will be in your corner; inspired, proud, and rooting for you!! Those are the people who matter. Be blessed, y’all!!