Month: April 2022

This week, the word, CONFIDENCE, has been what I have focused on.  I posted on my IG, @thebookofalesha, how being a mom of girls really forced me to look at myself so that I am walking what I am talking.  In my younger days, I battled issues with my self-esteem. I felt confident in some of my abilities but doubted myself in others.  For example, I was a cheerleader in high school.  I know it was something I was good at, therefore my confidence in myself while cheering was high. I was also rather nerdy and smart, so I was always confident in my ability to pass tests. However, I struggled with self-image and because I was a bit eccentric, I was paranoid that my personality was NOT always relatable.  Now, as a woman, I have become more comfortable in my skin, and I want to make sure that I am always displaying this for my girls.  My goal in raising them has always been to make sure I nurture their self-esteem and teach them how to be confident in the abilities that God has gifted them with, despite how others may feel or think about them. In order for me to do that, I had to make sure I was walking the walk and not just talking the talk. Here are a few ways that have helped me with building my confidence.

1. I make sure I am always aware of what I am telling myself and challenge any thoughts that do not align with what God says about me.

2. I give myself grace, and do not beat myself up about things I cannot control. 

3. I make sure I am not taking myself too seriously all the time and remember to have fun!! 

4. I practice courageous faith. (This has created a confidence that is unexplainable).

5. I trust the process and know that all that happens is in divine order. God will NEVER fail us.

When I practice these things and love on myself. It teaches my girls to do the same. 

Some may ask, how does practicing faith and trusting the process build confidence?  Well, when you know that Your creator has plans to prosper you (Jeremiah 29:11), why wouldn’t you be confident? All of who you are was made to fulfill His divine purpose so why doubt it?  Your job is to live your life, nurture your gifts, and seek God for His guidance to fulfill the promise.  Makes sense? Hope so! Be blessed, y’all!

I know, I know. It has been a while but trust me, it has been for good reason.  I have just been trying to live in the moment and give myself some time to take care of some other goals of mine…I will have a new post on this soon. Anywho, while I have been on break, I have been focusing on my podcast. I had the honor of interviewing 21 ladies who were a part of the Purpose in my Pain anthology presented by the visionary author, Dr. Tamika Hall.  (Head over to the BOOK OF ALESHA podcast, in order to listen. Available where you listen to your podcasts).

While interviewing the ladies, I was led to think about any pain I may have experienced and what has become of it. I was drawn to what birthed the Book of Alesha brand, in general.  I was battling feelings of depression stemming from perfectionism, fear of failure, and all that encompassed motherhood, wifeyhood, and womanhood.  I had put unrealistic expectations to be the perfect mom, wife, and woman.  When that wasn’t happening. I was feeling like a failure and started operating on autopilot. I had nothing left to give.  I was just surviving. 

I begin to think, well as long as those around me were taken care of, that was what mattered, but I wasn’t taking care of myself.  Don’t get me wrong, being a wife and mother, aren’t painful roles.  Losing yourself in them is what becomes painful, unrealistic expectations are what becomes painful.

Not only was I feeling like I was failing, but I also noticed that all the things I wanted to do, I didn’t do.  All the things I wanted to pursue; I didn’t pursue.  I thought there was no possible way I could nurture my family and focus on myself as well. I decided that my family was more important than me.  Their well-being, their desires, their dreams.  Truth of the matter is, I am as equally important.  I realized that that had been a pattern in my life. Putting myself on the back burner…not seeing myself as important as anyone else. I am not sure where this thought process came from. I think we as women are afraid of appearing selfish, so we put ourselves low on the totem pole to appease the masses and to come off as modest.

What I have learned is, people rarely respect a woman who puts others above herself.  They will walk right over you, spouse and children included.  They respect a woman who knows how to respect herself, sets boundaries, and takes care of herself.  The woman who strives to be all to everyone but herself usually ends up a bitter, irritated, and frustrated woman.  That woman is usually drained and not good for much. Trust me, I know her. I was her.  When I think back to all the conversations I had with another wife and mom whom I confided in, I think, wow, I bet I sounded so bitter and negative.  I remember speaking so dryly every time we conversed.  I was always tired and had no energy.  I was running on empty and trying to pull from any source I could to pick me up. 

I realized that something had to change, and it had to start with a shift in my thought process.  I could no longer think I was less deserving of being cared for.  I could no longer think that being a wife and mother, meant my life was over.  I began to pour into myself by reading the bible, building my relationship with God, journaling, and surrounding myself with women who inspire me, and boy did things shift.  It makes sense now when they say on the plane to put your mask on first before you assist anyone depending on you.  I used to think, well that sounds selfish, but think about it, how are you going to properly assist anyone if you don’t have yourself together? If you are on a plane, losing oxygen, but trying to put the mask on someone else first, are you even able to fully function to know if you are assisting the person properly?? Get my drift? 

So, as I thought of finding the purpose in my pain, I thought of how The Book of Alesha was birthed.  I realized my purpose was to create a safe space for women who may sometimes struggle with getting lost in their roles, who may feel like they aren’t good enough, and who just need to be reminded of the queens that they are.  I see you; I am you!! Know that God has equipped you for all that He has given you.  You just gotta receive and queen it!