My first book project was the “I am More than Enough” anthology. In that anthology, I discussed my battle with perfection. I shared how my religious background along with some of my upbringing made me feel as though I needed to be perfect. I became a people pleaser, and I allowed myself to be walked over and taken advantage of. This spilled into my mothering and my marriage. How? As a mother, I found myself stifling my children’s growth and personality, trying to shape them into the “perfect” kids. As a wife, I held my tongue about a lot of things because I didn’t want to come off as a nagging wife or be argumentative. I lost myself in those roles because I felt like I had to be perfect in order to do them successfully.
Last week, I came across a video of Taraji P. Henson show, highlighting mental health. She stated, “Perfection is the perfect lie.” Why? Because there is no such thing as perfection. When I let go of the idea of perfection, that is when I began to live. I mean who wants to deal with someone who thinks they are perfect. I know I get irritated with wives and mothers who think they have it all together, and I am sure you do, too. Who can relate to that? I know I don’t. I find that we resonate more with people who aren’t afraid to fail, who aren’t afraid to show to ugly sides, who just say, girl, I am just trying to make it. Because failures make room for growth and understanding. I have learned my best lessons since I have decided not to strive for perfection.
I share this with you to say, sometimes momming can be challenging, and sometimes wifeying can be challenging. Both require you to look at yourself through different lenses and decide how you are going to navigate. Both require giving up a part of yourself to assure those you care about are being filled with love. Perfection will have you thinking that means your happiness doesn’t matter and that you must pour your all into these roles, but reality says, that is not possible. Reality says, in order for you to fill them, you have to fill yourself first. Reality says that they are as healthy as you are. If you are not healthy, they won’t be. Perfection takes away your ability to feed your soul. It gives the façade that you need to be superwoman. Reality lets you know, you need help. In fact, you are worthy of help. Stop thinking that asking for or needing help is a bad thing. It is actually a form of self-care. It is recognizing that you need a break and are deserving of one!!
So get rid of the idea that you have to be perfect. The perfect mom. The perfect wife. The perfect woman. And embrace the idea that you are, indeed, human, and need to be cared for just like those whom you care for. Get rid of the idea that you are not supposed to fail. Remember, perfection is the perfect lie because there is no such thing!! And if we are not failing at something, we are not learning. Be blessed, y’all!!
Oh, and if you are interested in reading more of my story, click on the ‘SHOP’ tab, to purchase the “I am More than Enough” anthology. Also, available on Amazon.com.