Momming and Queening: 2021 Mommy Challenge

Ok, so let me start this post off by saying that the Momming and Queening anthology is now available for purchase. Click on the “shop” tab on this site, and you will be able to purchase via the site.  This week I will be completing the momming and queening series on my blog, but I encourage you to purchase the book to read the stories of 7 awesome ladies who share how they are rocking this thing called motherhood. Thanks in advance for your support.  I pray you enjoyed the series. Ok, back to our regular scheduled program.

Last night, I had trouble falling asleep.  I am not sure if it was because of the neighbors partying or because of my excitement for the release of Momming and Queening, but it was a struggle. So, I decided to reflect on my parenting and what I would like to do better. What I realized and what I am kind of ashamed to say is, I don’t love on my daughters enough.  Sure, I love them, but I don’t express or say it out loud enough.  I am very tough, stern, and serious most of the time.  Yeah, we TikTok and dance around in my kitchen, but when we are not doing those things, I am usually serious and tough and getting on them for not being “the perfect children.”  Ugh, I hate to even admit that, seeing as how, I have been spending a lot of my time in 2021 doing all I can to get over my issues with perfection.  But it is true.  I am so worried about messing them up, that I may be messing them up. 

My oldest is 9, and it kills me how she cannot keep any space that she is in, clean.  It drives me nuts, so I am constantly fussing about how messy she is and getting frustrated of the fact that no matter how many times, I tell her, she just won’t clean. I think this is a legitimate frustration, however, I think a better way to handle this is figuring out a way to get her to clean without showing that I am frustrated about it.  Honestly, that is the hard part.  It is so easy to get mad about it than figure out a solution.  I think that is where I sometimes go wrong with parenting; wanting to go the easy route.  The time and energy it takes to figure out a solution takes longer than throwing in the towel and doing it myself.  The problem is, this creates a lazy child and angry mom which leads to an irritable mom, which leads to a mom living each day uptight and resentful leaving little room for loving and hugging.

Sometimes I say to myself, Alesha, if you love on them more, they will be more willing to do what is asked of them. They would want to please you and make sure they are making you proud. But if you are constantly yelling and pointing out what they aren’t doing, they are going to just want to tune you out and keep it moving.  So, I have decided to make this my challenge for the rest of 2021.  I will be intentional with my words, assuring them, and showing them how much I love them.  Most importantly, I will speak life and be more careful of how I communicate my expectations to them.  I will make more attempts to be creative in teaching them morals, values, and the importance of hard work, and be more forgiving when they don’t always get it right.  Sure, I will still appropriately discipline them, but I won’t discipline so much that I forget to love and be kind.  I have to remind myself that some things are normal for children to do and that doesn’t mean I am doing something wrong, it just means I have to have more patience.  Lord knows, this is going to take some serious prayer on my part because my girls can push my buttons, but that makes it a win, win because my goal has also been to build my relationship with God by increasing my prayer life.  So, what do y’all think?  Are there any moms who can relate to this?  Prayerfully, by the end of the year, I will have a testimony for y’all!!! Stay tuned! In the meantime, be blessed y’all!!

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