Author: Alesha Shaw

This phrase kept popping in and out of my head for several weeks.  I kept trying to grasp what it meant and if it was an accurate statement. The more I dwelled on it, the more I realized that this was, indeed, a true statement.  How? You may ask. 

Well, the definition of minister (verb) is to attend to the needs of (someone). So, ministry is the act of ministering or attending to someone’s needs.   Therefore, spiritually, ministry is attending to the needs of others by teaching them or living in a way that represents the word/way of God. So it would makes sense that our lives are a ministry. 

One thing that used to irritate me was people would proclaim to be a follower of Christ (Christian), but always had a bad attitude or was always grumpy.  It was like they would never have a smile on their face and found everything under the sun to complain about. Ok, I understand we all have bad days. Trust me, I know.  We all go through tough times and may not always operate at our best, but when I see a consistent pattern, I tend to think, does this person really know Jesus? What God are they serving because I am not sure if I want that God?  And this is my point.

People tend to be very observant.  They always want to know what somebody is up to. Whether good or bad.  So your walk/life, can either encourage or discourage someone from being a follower of Christ.  Someone is always watching… Someone is always taking note… So we have to always be cognizant of what we portray and how we are perceived. 

I used to think it was weird when I was younger and people would feel uncomfortable engaging in certain behaviors around me.  Many times, during my school days, people would feel uncomfortable doing things like cussing around me, drinking, smoking or even talking about sex.  When I was in college, a friend of a friend basically said to me that I was different and needed to watch who I associated myself with.  They said I was “too good of a girl” for the “party scene.”  At the time, I understood what they meant, but I still wanted to “fit in” and experience the college life.  What I didn’t see then what I see now is that people saw that I was different.  Whether they knew my spiritual standing or not, they knew that there was something about me that was not like the norm. I was in the world, but not of the world. My life was a ministry. How I carried myself, showed others that there was some things I wasn’t down for. I used to think that was something bad, and that something had to be wrong with me.  Sometimes, it felt like rejection when I would get side-eyes or people would act strangely around or with me. When you are young, it can be hard to understand that people’s rejection is God’s protection. I realized that not only did it force people to respect me, but something in their spirits made them want to adjust their own behaviors.  Even if it didn’t bring them to Christ per se, it provoked something in them that made them want to do better (at least when they were around me).   

The bible says, “…let your light so shine before others, so that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” Your life is a ministry.  Because I know God and how He has blessed my life, it is my responsibility to display that as much as I can.  Through kindness, through love, through listening.  I am careful of how I speak to people and try my best to be empathic and sympathetic towards others.  Granted, I am not perfect.  However, if God can give me grace and be patient with this hot mess, the least I can do is do the same with others. There are times, when I feel the need to share my experiences (good or bad), as a testament to how God has blessed me or brought me through. My entire “Queening” series of anthologies is based off how God has moved in my life… Ministry!

So yeah, your life is a ministry. You are a walking representation of who God is.  People should say to themselves, whatever she has, I want it. Many people stray away from Christianity because there are too many people playing. Preaching one thing, but living another.

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot,” Matthew 5:13.  Don’t lose your flavor.  Don’t be the reason someone misses an opportunity to know God because they came across your path.  Be the salt. Be salty.  Your life is ministry.

The best-selling anthology, “Wife’n & Queenin’,” has been featured in the August Issue of Dr. Tamika Hall’s Anointed Author Magazine! To purchase your copy. I along with 3 other co-authors talk about our chapters in my latest anthology. To purchase a copy of the magazine, visit: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CFFZVJV1. If you would like to purchase a copy of Wife’n and Queenin’, click the shop tab to order a signed copy!!

It has been a while since I have posted on my site. Life has just been life’n. Not in a bad way, just in a real way. I have been trying to figure out “my what next?” It’s been 3 months since I passed on the crown of Mrs. Delaware America, and I have basically been relaxing and enjoying moments I sometimes take for granted. I don’t think I have updated you all on my reign, and my thoughts after passing the crown on so I guess that would be a good place to start.

So, May 7, 2023, was officially my last day as Mrs. Delaware America 2022. I had an amazing time and was so proud of my accomplishments. Never had I ever imagined that I would experience all that I experienced. As a little girl, I had dreams, but sometimes I would think they would never become a reality. For some reason, I would think that certain things were made for certain people and the rest of us were just made to dream. Thank God I have matured from that mentality.

Anywho, I was asked how did it feel after passing it on? I thought I would feel sad, but I honestly felt amazing…as if my season was over. I think I was successful at accomplishing all I wanted to achieve and didn’t feel like my reign was in vain. One thing I most do is acknowledge God in my life because He showed me that the many things I had gone through in my life were to prepare me for those moments I experienced during my reign. I understood that He doesn’t give you anything prematurely. I am at a space in my life where I understood that the crown didn’t “make me.” It was just a manifestation of what God has created in me. Had I been handed a title in my previous years of competing, I am not sure I would have handled it with the right care. So I am so thankful for the opportunity to have served as Mrs. Delaware America, and I am grateful for the growth and knowledge, I obtained during the time. Although, I still consider myself an awkward, introvert, I was able to get out of my comfort zone and show people, the “me” they don’t often see. Pageantry is a beautiful thing that sometimes gets a bad rep. It taught me so much about who I am, and quite frankly, I like who I am and who I aspire to be. So yeah, it is more than just a crown, it’s growth, it’s confidence, and it’s sharing with others what God has instilled in you!!

So, what next? Hummm… so much, so you will have to stay tuned to find that out. Now that that season is over, my goals are to re-invent, recuperate, and keep growing! I plan to be more consistent, reach more people, and continue to inspire women to mom it, wife it, queen it!!

It’s my first post of the year…and what can I say??  I am so excited about 2023.  I feel like it is going to be a breakthrough year for many of us.  My prayer for this year is to be more focused and to hold myself accountable when I am off track.  With that being said, here are my 2023 goals, I would like to focus on:

1. Talking care of my body (drink more water, eat more fruits and vegetables)
2. Get back to reading a book a month…finishing books I have started
3. Return to my morning routine (up early, pray and journal, etc.)
4. Take chances and get out of my comfort zone
5. Not feeling guilty for resting.

I don’t know how many times I have to tell myself (as well as other moms and wives), that if we are not resting, we cannot be our best self.  2022 was a great year, but many of my routines eventually fell by the wayside because so many changes were happening, and I wasn’t resting. And when I did have the opportunity to rest, I couldn’t because I would feel guilty.  My early morning routines slowly died down because I was too tired to get up. That in turn, resulted in me going to bed later because I felt like the only time for stillness was when everyone was in the bed.  I quickly learned that early morning is better than late nights, but it has been extremely hard to kick that habit.  So 2023, is about refocusing and getting back on track.  There is so much I want to achieve, but I know I have to be in the right mindset.  So here’s to better focus, self-discipline, and accountability in 2023!!! I am writing this out so that y’all can see and call me out if I am not doing what I said I was going to do, lol!! Be blessed, y’all!!

I haven’t posted since my Mrs. America experience, so I think it is about time to give an update on my life, lol!  About a month ago, I attended the She Wins by Faith healing retreat again this year.  And wow, did God show up.  This year has been weird for me because although He has been blessing me consistently and answering prayers I have prayed, my time with Him has been more random and sporadic, and I have been finding it hard to focus. I am constantly distracted by devices and my thoughts.  My brain has been a bit foggy, and I have been struggling with knowing what my next move should be. 

While at the retreat, all I wanted to do was….retreat, lol!! I needed time to myself and although the house was filled with women I adored, I needed to have space to myself.  I spent most of my time alone…sleeping.  I needed it lol!! As a wife and mom, I don’t sleep as much as I would like and when I am still, I always feel guilty as if there is something I should be doing.  So, my plan was to make sure I got time to rest, but I also wanted to take advantage of the fact that God was in the midst.  I wanted to be open to what He had for me so that I can leave knowing that I encountered Him.  The praise and worship was amazing, and I always enjoy being in a worship atmosphere.  However, there were times that I felt like something was wrong with me because I wasn’t having miraculous breakthroughs like many of the other women, and although it is amazing to see Him working, I wondered if I was missing something on the inside.  However, every time I felt that way or questioned if I was worthy of experiencing His encounter, He spoke to me, assuring me that He hears me and comforted my doubts.  If there was ever a time I questioned His existence, He shattered ALL doubt, you hear me? 

What I learned from the experience is, God wants us to come to Him.  He wants us to call for His help when we are in need and seek His face.  He is capable and wants to heal us, but we don’t seek Him!   As my big sis, Tamika Hall, kept saying, we are under an open heaven.  We have not because we ask not.  God performed miracle after miracle after miracle at the retreat proving over and over that HE IS GOD and HE IS GOOD. He revealed Himself in so many ways…that as I type this, I am still in awe.  He healed sicknesses, addressed generational curses, called out demonic spirits and thinking, spoke life, revived… I cannot share all that we experienced at the retreat because quite frankly, it was overwhelming, and you probably won’t believe me.  What it did for me was show me that HE is REAL and has not forgotten ME. 

I am a Christian woman, I love God, and I know who He is and what He is capable of, but I would be lying if I said my faith never wavers.  He has shown me over the past few years that He is with me, but to be transparent, I sometimes feel like He forgets me. Ain’t that crazy?? And selfish? I find myself comparing others’ relationship with Him to mine and questioning, God, do you really love me?  Why can you speak so clearly to so-and-so, I am over here struggling with figuring out what you want from me and for me… Y’all, God be sicka me because I am hard-headed, but in my defense and ebonically speaking, ion be understanding what He be wanting me to do, and it is frustrating. When I read the bible, I don’t always get clarity or understanding…and in my quiet moments, I don’t hear His voice…or maybe I miss it.  So being at the retreat, renewed me and give me hope for my future (Jeremiah 29:11).  I still get heavily distracted and my time with Him, isn’t where I would like it to be at the moment, but I know He is with me.  He shows me that my life is a blessing, and it is mine to live.  I cannot live in comparison because it steals away moments that are meant for only me with thoughts of what is for someone else.  The growing pains that come with strengthening my relationship with Him aren’t fun but are necessary and I cannot give up on the ride.  So I say this to you, you may not be able to attend a healing retreat or have God-filled women in your life who pray for you and worship with you.  Or you may feel like God has forgotten you and cannot understand what He wants for you.  You may be still searching for your purpose, but know for sure, He hasn’t forgotten you and He is still performing miracles.  He is still making Himself known and if you look closely at your life, you will see evidence of Him in the smallest of things. Continue to seek Him.  Continue to be faithful.  Continue to spend time with Him. He won’t let you down, and He will surely give you the desires of your heart.  So keep trusting Him!!!  That’s all I have for now!! Be blessed!!! 

A little over a week ago, I competed for the title of Mrs. America in Las Vegas, Nevada.  First, let me say, the experience was amazing, and I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to even participate.  I didn’t bring home to crown, but there were definitely lessons learned and blessings received.  A few years ago, when I participated and lost in another pageant system, I wrote a blog post entitled, “Lose to Win” and figured I would title this one the same because with every loss there is a win.

When I won the title of Mrs. Delaware back in May, I knew the next step would be Vegas to compete for Mrs. America, but to be honest with you, just being crowned Mrs. Delaware was a good enough blessing for me. But as the time passed, I started to have the desire to really want to do well and represent the state well. I thought I want to at least make it to the finals in the Top 15.  I thought, “God, a girl like me has never gotten the title of Mrs. America.” (What I mean by a girl like me was chocolate skin, natural hair, Afrocentric).  I thought, how awesome would it be for the organization to see this as beautiful and showcase it.  Delaware (as a state pageant) has already made awesome strides in showcasing diversity by crowning several minority winners which is so awesome. Now, I thought, Mrs. America needs to showcase this as well, given that the organization is 40+ years old; there have only been 2 African American winners and that has been in recent years. I know there have been other WOC who were titleholders, but very few. (For those who follow this system that will say there has been minority winners in the sister systems, I will get into that later).  Anyways, my mind shifted, and I asked God to help me become a trailblazer, help me open doors for other women like me. I wanted to make a difference.  I made sure I prepared physically by working out daily with the hubs, mentally by taking the SECURE THE CROWN course by Ocielia Sprowl of Slay Your Pageant on IG, getting all the pageant advise, and coaching/training I needed, and spiritually by staying prayed up and connected with Him.  I wanted to make sure I presented well!!  Now granted, I wasn’t sure if I could handle all the responsibility that would have come about with the title of Mrs. America, but I trusted that God would do His thing. 

Upon getting to Vegas, I was definitely the odd ball.  It was obvious, I didn’t fit the mold and quite frankly, I’ve never fit the mold so that didn’t bother me. There were a few of us chocolate girls, 2 of us had short hair, 2 of us, for sure, were natural, but I was the only one with obvious kinks, lol! I have a history of sticking out like a sore thumb, so this was nothing new to me.  However, I felt awkward because I am the epitome of an introvert, so it was a lot of energy to not come off as aloof and to show that I am indeed friendly, just socially different.  Still, the enemy started to play with my mind, and the thoughts of not being good enough started rearing its ugly head.  I thought, oh girl, you are going to have to show perfection (my biggest battle…go figure). You cannot afford to be mediocre on that stage and in the interview.

Things were happening that were making me feel a bit less than.  Now looking back, I wonder if God was preparing me for what eventually was going to be the outcome…not making the semi-final’s list or taking home the crown.  Getting my makeup done daily was new to me, so I was a little out of my comfort zone being glammed up every day. (Crazy, right? Considering I am a pageant queen. I know…I’m just different). I didn’t feel like I was as confident in my makeup as I should have been.  It was nothing to do with the artists, but because I don’t get makeup done often, I wasn’t sure what looked good on me or not. I left it to the professionals to do their thing, but I was definitely out of my comfort zone.  The enemy kept telling me girl that’s not you. That is too much…you know, just messing with my head.

Another thing that kept happening is, I kept getting this feeling that I needed to keep practicing walking in my dress. Mind you, I have never had an issue with my dresses in previous pageants, but something kept saying practice walking in your dress, and I did…each time, there would be little snags here and there, but I would get it together, and it would work out.  On stage, was another story, my dress train kept getting caught in my heel, and I actually thought I was going to trip.  To this day, I am not sure why this was happening and why it decided to act crazy on stage.  I am thinking a sign from God saying, this ain’t gonna be for you, boo boo!

Backstage, I was experiencing weird anxiety. Several times, I felt like I was going to pass out, especially as they called the top 15. I had gotten extremely hot and felt dehydrated.  I drank water and kept it moving, but again…looking back, I think they were signs that I was going to experience some disappointment.

The disappointment didn’t come from “losing” per se. It came from trusting God for something I, first, thought was impossible. I thought that because He placed the strong desire in my heart to display a “different type of beauty” that He had paved a way for me to do well. Doing well to me equated to at least making Top 15. I had been practicing courageous faith on so many things over the past year or so, and reminding myself not to put limits on God, so this was just me, continuing with that same strategy. I knew this was something I knew I had to pull deep down to let go of limits because my first mindset was this is going to be impossible. I really was trusting Him to give me the desires of my heart. I thought this was another thing He was going to blow my mind with… but He was like, nah, boo! This ain’t the one, but you did good though! LOL!

I say all this to say that you can feel prepared and as though God has a plan for you in whatever it is you are pursuing and still LOSE!!! It happens.  You can prepare and perfect until you cannot perfect anymore, and things will still not go according to YOUR plan, and I have learned that you have to be ok with that. What is for you will find its way to you.  In pageantry, systems have their idea of who they want to represent them, and you (speaking to myself as well) may not fit that ideal, and that is ok. He (God) didn’t choose me to be the trailblazer, the first African American pageant queen with natural, kinky hair and chocolate skin to be a Mrs. America legacy, but He did choose me to represent the state of Delaware as a queen who is comfortable in her skin and inspiring other women to feel comfortable in theirs.  He still chooses me to be a beacon of light, and I say YES to this challenge every chance I get. 

Prayerfully, it will be soon enough that someone will be the chosen one to display this side of beauty as Mrs. America, and I pray that they will display it well.  Yes, there are the sister systems, Mrs. American and Miss for America Strong systems, that have had African American women titleholders over the past 3 or 4 years, and I commend the organization for this, but I do think it needs to be displayed across the board as Mrs. America is the older system and the percentage of minority winners is extremely small, non-existent for naturalistas.

Despite coming back with none of my prayers answered (I kid, I kid, lol), the experience was one I hold near and dear to my heart.  I met some beautiful souls.  The women were/are amazing, and that is always the blessing in pageantry.  The ladies that you meet.  The connections are priceless.  It is a sisterhood that is unexplainable.

I cannot express how grateful I am and how wonderful it feels to be on this journey.  It was probably the only time I have had since being a wife and mother that all I had to was worry about was myself and that was the best feeling EVER, lol!! No, but for real, whenever I look back on my time in Vegas, I will always smile with feelings of joy and gratitude. From spending time with my sister queens, chilling in my director’s room, getting my makeup done, attending different events and practices…I will cherish forever!! I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I grew up watching pageants on TV in awe of the beautiful women I saw. Never in a million years, did I think I would be on the Mrs. America national stage.  At the end of the day, the truth remains that GOD IS GOOD!!!  Be blessed, y’all!!!

I am Stronger than the Storm is the most recent book collaboration I was a part of. It is a devotional for women that was released last month.  While preparing for my chapter, the words, Black Sheep, kept popping up.  I had never considered myself a black sheep and didn’t know where it was coming from. It was later brought to my remembrance a time when I was young and was called The Black Sheep by a relative. When I was young, I didn’t even know what that was so I ignored it and went about my life. It wasn’t until preparing this chapter, I remembered.

Someone called it a word curse meant to break me. Maybe that was true, but that is why you have to be careful of what you take on or what you respond to.  Even though I forgot about this statement, I realized that perhaps there was some truth to it.  You see, when I asked God to give me clarity about this and how it related to me and my story, He also revealed 2 other words: rebel and misfit.  I never thought that these terms fit me, but as I delved into it, I realized that perhaps it was me.

My thought process was always different from “the norm.” No matter how much I tried to fit in, I always stood out in some way. It was frustrating when I was younger, but I later, began to embrace it.  As I have matured, I have learned that we were NOT meant to fit in.  I was the black sheep, the rebel, the misfit simply because I was determined to break some curses and traditions. 

Coming from a town where teen pregnancies were the norm and losing your virginity very early was the thing to do, that was never my desire. I did not want to be a teen mom and was determined to experience life in a way I felt I was supposed to.  Finish school, live life, marry, have children, live life. Not everyone had this plan.  If they did, they didn’t follow through.  Therefore, I was different.  I was also one who could completely have the time of my life without drinking (or drugging) and that seem to be odd to people.  Coming from a family with some alcohol “concerns,” I wasn’t taking any chances with this becoming an issue for me.  I danced to the beat of my own drum and didn’t care who noticed.  I was the rebel, I was a misfit, The Black Sheep.    At times, I felt uncool for being different, but I couldn’t help myself. 

So, when I thought about why God wanted me to write about being the black sheep, I think it was because He wanted me to know 1) What someone may have meant for bad, He meant it for good ~Genesis 50:20, 2) Although I am in this world, I am not of the world (John 17:16), yet I can still make an impact, and 3) maybe there were some generational curses that needed to be broken and it would take a black sheep to do it.

I write this as an encouragement to you.

1. People may speak negatively over you, so be careful what you answer to, or how you perceive it. Sometimes word curses are meant to destroy you, but it’s on you how you take it and use it.
2. It is ok to be different. Embrace who you are, by doing so, you encourage others to do the same.
3. Sometimes rebelling is good. You sometimes have to destroy in order to rebuild. I had to, mentally, destroy what was considered “norms” to build my own identity. Being a black sheep only means that you chose to go against the grain.

I hope this helps someone. I felt the need to talk and write about it again for those who may be struggling with feeling odd and different.   If you want to read more and check out other stories by phenomenal women, click the shop “tab” to purchase the I AM STRONGER THAN THE STORM DEVOTIONAL. Be blessed yall!

My first book project was the “I am More than Enough” anthology.  In that anthology, I discussed my battle with perfection. I shared how my religious background along with some of my upbringing made me feel as though I needed to be perfect. I became a people pleaser, and I allowed myself to be walked over and taken advantage of. This spilled into my mothering and my marriage. How?  As a mother, I found myself stifling my children’s growth and personality, trying to shape them into the “perfect” kids.  As a wife, I held my tongue about a lot of things because I didn’t want to come off as a nagging wife or be argumentative.  I lost myself in those roles because I felt like I had to be perfect in order to do them successfully. 

Last week, I came across a video of Taraji P. Henson show, highlighting mental health.  She stated, “Perfection is the perfect lie.” Why? Because there is no such thing as perfection.  When I let go of the idea of perfection, that is when I began to live.  I mean who wants to deal with someone who thinks they are perfect.  I know I get irritated with wives and mothers who think they have it all together, and I am sure you do, too.  Who can relate to that? I know I don’t.  I find that we resonate more with people who aren’t afraid to fail, who aren’t afraid to show to ugly sides, who just say, girl, I am just trying to make it.  Because failures make room for growth and understanding.  I have learned my best lessons since I have decided not to strive for perfection.

I share this with you to say, sometimes momming can be challenging, and sometimes wifeying can be challenging. Both require you to look at yourself through different lenses and decide how you are going to navigate.    Both require giving up a part of yourself to assure those you care about are being filled with love.  Perfection will have you thinking that means your happiness doesn’t matter and that you must pour your all into these roles, but reality says, that is not possible.  Reality says, in order for you to fill them, you have to fill yourself first.  Reality says that they are as healthy as you are. If you are not healthy, they won’t be.  Perfection takes away your ability to feed your soul. It gives the façade that you need to be superwoman.  Reality lets you know, you need help. In fact, you are worthy of help.  Stop thinking that asking for or needing help is a bad thing. It is actually a form of self-care.  It is recognizing that you need a break and are deserving of one!!

So get rid of the idea that you have to be perfect.  The perfect mom. The perfect wife. The perfect woman.  And embrace the idea that you are, indeed, human, and need to be cared for just like those whom you care for. Get rid of the idea that you are not supposed to fail.  Remember, perfection is the perfect lie because there is no such thing!! And if we are not failing at something, we are not learning.  Be blessed, y’all!!

Oh, and if you are interested in reading more of my story, click on the ‘SHOP’ tab, to purchase the “I am More than Enough” anthology. Also, available on Amazon.com.

In 2022, I have been struggling terribly with distraction.  It has been a constant fight for me to stay focused on tasks and for tasks to keep my interests.  Whether it is working at my full-time job or working on my personal goals, I am getting distracted.  It is a bit frustrating.  I find myself wasting a lot of time doing absolutely nothing because I am all over the place.  Despite my frustration, I know that God has a plan for me. The enemy uses distraction to steer you away from what God has destined you to do.  Granted, I am still trying to figure out what that is, but I understand the tactics of the enemy.

So, I say to you as I say to myself.  Be careful of your distractions.  On one hand, count them as a blessing because it means you are on the right path, but on the other end, this is the time that you must stay focused on whatever it is you are assigned to and lean into Him more so that you get clarity on how you should be moving. 

I have been blessed this year to experience one of my dreams come true.  With this blessing, has come a scattered brain and a sense of busyness that makes me feel like I cannot rest.   I am constantly feeling like something needs to get done, not allowing me to feel at ease. Just this morning, I stumbled across a snippet of a sermon by Mike Todd that said God gives us the gift of rest.  I realized that I had been feeling distracted because I haven’t been allowing myself to rest.  Rest is a beautiful thing. It gives you a clear head.

Make sure that you allow yourself to rest so that you can function at your fullest capacity.  This will allow you to not only be more alert and aware of distractions but will help combat them. It will give you the ability to make sound and better decisions making you more productive.  How do you combat distractions, you may ask? 

1. Be intentional
2. Put away devices so they are not within reach
3. Keep a TO DO list and mark off as you complete items
4. Set up a space just for you to work
5. Have an accountability partner
6. Stay connected with your Creator
7. REST!!

This is what I have been practicing, and I am seeing it helps tremendously when I take my tasks seriously.  Hopefully, it can help you too!!  Remember, the enemy doesn’t want you to succeed, so don’t be surprised when things “pop up” to distract you. Just be ready!!!  Be blessed!

I don’t even know where to start on this one. Let’s start off by saying, I said I was done with pageantry. I thought maybe it was not for me after failure after failure after failure. Sometime around October-ish last year, I was getting bit by the bug. I decided one last time to come out of “retirement,” and to really give it my all and compete for Mrs. Delaware America 2022. After sharing my decision with a few friends, I was given encouraging words that made me feel like maybe I had made the right decision. I prayed and asked God to place people in my life that would be of assistance to help me be my best and do my best. I said I wanted to be me and not conform to the stereotypical “Pageant Patty” in order to feel as though I had a chance. Meaning, I didn’t want to alter anything about who I was: hair, style, personality, etc. I was nervous about my headshots showing my natural hair, but my gut said, this is the way to go. I set out what I thought was a decent budget for my gown and got a beautiful dress from Cecile Boutique in Newark, Delaware, and started my preparation. (Because of course, the gown is the most important part, right? Lol)

During this journey, I developed eczema rashes on my hands and neck, my right eye would sporadically swell up, I developed a severely dry and itchy scalp causing bad dandruff, and there was never a time where I truly felt like a queen. I felt ugly. My skin, hair, and nails were fighting with me. However, God continued to place people in my life who believed in me and/or help me with this goal. In an accountability group, I meant a former pageant queen, Miss Black USA 2011, Ocielia S., owner of Slay Your Pageant who happened to be a pageant coach (look at God). I began following her and connecting with her and receiving great feedback from her IG LIVES and even met for an interview coaching session. I started focusing on getting my mind right and building a brand for myself.

I connected with women I have met through my pageantry journey and received such positive feedback and critiques on things I may have needed to tweak. The winner of the pageant I competed in in 2010 has always been a great role model in my life, and I reached out to her for feedback and advice. I adored and admired her beauty and her heart and am so thankful that we kept in touch all these years. (One thing about pageantry, no matter the outcome, I have always stepped away with beautiful friends and awesome women in my life).

When I decided to return, it was all about me continuing to step out on faith and seeking God for guidance. It was me taking the limits off of myself and taking the limits off of God. I am continuing to practice courageous faith in my life. So even though this was a competition, in my head, I was not competing with the other women. They were beautiful and just as deserving. I was competing with myself and my past beliefs. I was challenging myself to dream bigger and not throw away a dream because of a few failures. Failures are necessary for growth and improvement. So, this journey meant more to me than just winning a title. It was about putting in the work and trusting God to do His work. And that He did.

I recommend pageantry to many people because it helps you focus on YOU. It teaches confidence, poise, and how to command and captivate an audience. It also teaches the importance of building positive relationships with other women. I spent an awesome weekend with amazing women, and that is what I appreciate most about the experience. Even though the journey started off rocky and made me feel like my outer image was far from beautiful, it truly made me focus on my inner man to assure what I exuded was that of a queen. It reminded me that beauty comes from within, and I am so thankful to the judges and the director for believing in me. So, here I am y’all, YOUR MRS. DELAWARE AMERICA 2022!!! Be blessed!!